Discovering a Sense of Discernment: Walking in This World — Week 8

As has happened before, this week’s tasks took me a bit longer than seven days. And as in the past, I’m giving myself grace to understand that the timeline isn’t as important as the tasks themselves.

Over the last few days, I’ve been feeling something heavy that I couldn’t quite name. I wasn’t even fully acknowledging it until today. My body was telling me something was off, and I had been placing the blame on the physical, but I now believe it stemmed more from an emotional block.

Since leaving my job in March, I’ve been keeping myself busy with all kinds of creative outlets, trying to figure out where my next path lies. While I’m “producing” projects, both small and significant, I’ve realized I’m still carrying an underlying pressure to succeed.

This week’s tasks may have taken longer than a week to complete, but they helped me see some things I’ve been avoiding for a while.

Tasks

1. Make Something for Someone Else, Not to Be Somebody

For this task, I made a list of five people I feel closely connected to, and next to each name I assigned a project I could make to show them how much they mean to me. The list was easy. Actually taking the time to make something was the hard part.

This was one of the tasks that took me until the very end to complete, and I’ll admit that, at first, it still felt somewhat obligatory. I decided to make a friendship bracelet for my granddaughter, and while tying the knots, I “blessed” it with love and energy with each one. I made it in a colorful rainbow pattern because she is always wanting everything to be “rainbow” these days.

It was a simple project, but I liked the idea that I was making something just for her, without any expectation beyond giving it away.

2. Slow Down and Feel Strong

This task centered around the areas of life that carry a sense of urgency or pressure. While I’ve always prided myself on being “zen” and relaxed, this week forced me to look honestly at whether that is actually true.

I realized I’m feeling a lot of inner pressure to succeed at something I haven’t even discovered yet. I’m also feeling like my time is running out to figure out what that something is.

None of this is actually true, of course, but it is a narrative I’ve been feeding myself internally.

This section of the chapter earned a re-read once I came to that realization. I’m now focusing on slowing down and letting go—two things I’ve been attempting for months, but that I’m approaching in a new way now.

Maybe I don’t need to figure it all out right now. Maybe I just need to stop creating so much pressure around the idea that I should.

3. Perform an Exorcism

The biggest culprit in my delay was the exorcism. Don’t ask me why. I love a good ritual. But for some reason, I kept putting this one off.

What a mistake that was.

When I finally sat down and created my “creative monster,” representing all of the false narratives I’ve been telling myself, it felt incredibly freeing. But even more freeing was setting fire to that bitch and letting her go.

I highly recommend a similar ritual to anyone holding onto fear, grief, or false beliefs. There was something about physically creating the thing that was weighing me down and then watching it burn that made letting go feel a little more real.

Artist’s Date

Okay, I know what I said about making the Artist’s Date more of a priority, but once again, I didn’t make an official date.

Here’s what I have learned, though: I think I struggle with this because I already spend so much time on my own working through creativity and inspiration. I’m very privileged that most of my days are dedicated to creative exploration, so I don’t always feel the need to “take myself out.”

I’m still going to try to make this happen, however, because if these books are teaching me anything, it’s that doing the work often helps more than I realize.

It may feel like I’m already doing these things and don’t need to make a specific effort just for the sake of the book, but I’m finding that when I do, it actually makes a difference.

So I’ll keep trying.

Weekly Walk

My daily walks are still in full effect, and the weather is beginning to turn ever so slightly in the mornings. Soon, I hope to be out on hikes at least once a week.

For now, though, I’m still bound to my neighborhood, greeting the usual suspects. My favorite is a golden retriever named Honey.

I’ve noticed that I go through spells of listening to meditative music or podcasts and then spells of walking in complete silence. Each serves me differently, and I’ve stopped trying to make myself choose one over the other. I go with what I’m feeling from day to day.

And maybe that’s part of what this week was really about for me: learning to pay attention to what I’m actually feeling instead of immediately trying to fix it, push through it, or turn it into something productive.

Maybe discernment starts there.

Just a few of my projects from the week.